16 years ago, when my husband and I moved into our first place together we slept with hangers in our bed. Every night like clockwork, we would climb under the sheets to the cold metal and sharp edges of a hanger or two (or three).

I would scream, Chris would sigh and they would be removed.

Every night for about 2 weeks. Not ideal sleeping arrangements, I assure you, but true.

See Chris always took his shirts out of the closet in the morning while getting dressed and usually just left the hangers on the bed. This was never a problem for him when he lived alone because he never made the bed and always put the hangers back later that day.

I, on the other hand, was a notorious bed-maker. The second I jumped out of bed those pillows were fluffed and that comforter was straight.

And yes it went on way longer than necessary. Probably because it bugged me so much. How could I be so out of synch with the person I was choosing to spend my life with? And how could he be so inconsiderate and forgetful? I was making the bed every morning for us, couldn’t he just think about me?!!

Then I remembered a few important details.

1. Relationships are not about Me. They are about Us. And if you want to succeed in one you just have to accept this.

2. Transitions are not easy for everyone. Going from dating for 5 years to 24/7 living is a big deal and it takes time to adjust.

3. There will always be things that bug you about someone. No matter how well matched you are, no matter how long you have been together, no
matter how much you “work” on yourself! You will always be annoyed with something. But here is the key.

Love the things you hate about them.

No you shouldn’t hate anyone or anything and yes that is a very strong word, but hear me out.

No one likes to be annoyed. And people usually describe these annoyances as things they “hate”. It’s ok. Own it. Then…

Find a way to love them. Love that you hate them. Love that they exist. Love that they aren’t as bad as they could be.

These little annoyances are your friends. They are markers for your growth. (I know- it’s their problem not yours, stay with me.) They are keeping you alive and fresh. They are pointing out what you are attracting. They are helping you choose this person over and over and over again.

In relationships we get an amazing opportunity to choose Love. We get to choose to love our partner despite the challenges they bring our way.

How is this any different from the rest of our life? We are always given choice. Love or fear. Hope or despair. Allowing or resistance.

Find a way to love all of your Life. Not just the things you like about it.

It ain’t easy folks. You have to be deliberate. You have to focus. And maybe you can’t choose why you were attracted to them in the first place, but you can choose to accept (and love) their crazy idiosyncrasies.

Chris is direct and straightforward and tends to keep a pretty straight focus. I love this about him. In the morning he is about getting ready and out the door. Single focus. If the hangers end up on the bed, oh well. They can be dealt with later.

To truly accept and love him I had to accept and love all of him. Complete with hangers in bed and an occasional wet towel or two. but that’s another story.

We have since then moved onto bigger and even more annoying scenarios. They aren’t all as easy as keeping the hangers in the closet and clearing the bed before it’s made. But we move through them together and they become another funny story to add to the list.

Yes, you need to know your deal breakers in relationships. Kids/no kids, basic world philosophy, compatibility, etc. But the little stuff that bugs you… don’t make it something it isn’t. Accept it, embrace it, love it. Especially if you can’t stand it.

A true partnership with your Divine Compliment is way more important than hangers in your bed.

Much love!
Penelope

PS– OK time to love ALL of your life. Quantum Marketing will be starting again next week. Let us know if you are ready to step up your game and Unleash YOUR Higher Power!!

pps I’ve had so much fun with my students this year I might just take on more this round…